|Season Seven, Episode Three|
|Air date:||March 13, 2013|
|Guest starring:||Big Show (Paul Wight)|
|Written by:||James Roday|
|Directed by:||James Roday|
Juliet Takes a Luvvah
No Country for Two Old Men
Shawn and Gus join two student filmmakers, Kate and Chavo, in their attempt to make a documentary on the discovery of Bigfoot. They plan on using the finished product to win the Student Academy Award.Shawn found Kate and Chavo's blog while searching the Internet for "Harry and the Hendersons." Once Shawn discovered Kate and Chavo's plan to find Bigfoot in the woods of Santa Barbara, he asked to be a part of it. But Shawn knew Gus wouldn't join in on the fun unless he was lead into the forest under false pretenses. So he told Gus that he's taking him to a special barbecue joint in the middle of the forest.
When they arrive to meet Kate and Chavo in the woods, Gus realizes why he's really there, and thinks it's ridiculous and wants to go home immediately. But Kate convinces him to stay by offering him full access to their beef jerky stash.
When Shawn and Gus are alone, Shawn reveals that the real reason they are there is to make a documentary of their own -- a documentary about people making a failed documentary on Bigfoot. Shawn wants to beat out Kate and Chavo for that Student Academy Award. But Gus points out that he has to actually be a student to win the award. But Shawn already thought of that; Shawn tells Gus that he signed Gus up for a Hermeneutics class at UCSB (University of California Santa Barbara) for that specific reason.
The group make their way into a makeshift blind that overlooks a stretch of forest. After Chavo leaves to collect firewood, they hear a rumbling in the distance. Kate tells Shawn and Gus to get low, and through the brush, they see a gigantic furry figure. Gus fights back tears and promises Shawn that if they make it out of there alive, he will kill him.
Shawn calms Gus down with his theory that Chavo obviously changed into a giant dog suit while he claimed to be getting firewood. They just have to catch him in the act. Back at the campsite, Shawn secretly searches Chavo's tent for anything suspicious, but comes up empty-handed. Shawn decides to refocus his documentary; It's now is now a documentary that documents a hoax documentary about finding Bigfoot. Gus joins Shawn in the tent to show him a turkey leg he found in the tree. Shawn realizes that the turkey leg was meant for Bigfoot and that Gus just swallowed a tracking device that was buried inside it.
The four of them make their way back to the blind, but Chavo excuses himself to go pee. As Chavo makes his way into the woods, Shawn and Gus stealthily follow; they're going to catch him changing into his fake Bigfoot costume. They approach Chavo and jump out with the camera expecting to see Chavo changing into a monster suit, but only find him doing exactly what he said he was going to do, which was take a leak.
Just then, they hear Kate screaming back at the blind. The three guys run back to find her lying on her back and breathing heavily; she's alive and unharmed, but startled. She tells the guys that she saw something. Shawn points the camera out towards the forest and suddenly sees a giant, angry beast running straight towards them at full speed.
The four of them take off running, and are able to get the hairy beast off their tail, but Gus trips and falls into a concealed pit that's roughly 6 feet deep. The group toss Gus a flashlight, and when he turns it on, he discovers that he's lying between two corpses with a third at his feet. He tries to scream, but nothing comes out. Chavo assures them they've stumbled upon Bigfoot's pantry.
As Kate tends to Gus' wounds back at the campsite, they hear a rustling in the bushes. This time, it's Lassiter and Juliet. They received a report about an abandoned blue vehicle matching Gus' license plate and came to investigate. The group explains the situation, and Lassiter assures everyone that there is no Bigfoot. However, he's intrigued with the bodies in the pit, so they make their way back to the ridge.
When they arrive at the pit, the bodies are gone. Shawn "envision" drag marks, offering proof that the bodies were recently moved.
The group follow the tracks and are lead to a creek. Lassiter believes that the bodies were flung into the water. While Lassiter is telling the group they need to get the SBPD to comb the creek right away, he takes a slight step to his left, triggering an animal trap that snaps his ankle. He stumbles back and falls into the creek.
After an intense struggle with the current, Juliet manages to reach Lassiter with a tree branch and pulls him to safety.
When they pull Lassiter out of the water, they realize his ankle is damaged and he's unable to walk. It's getting dark and they have no idea where they are, so Juliet takes charge and sets up camp. She tells everyone that they'll sleep this off tonight, then set out to find help for Lassiter at first light.
Lassiter takes watch near the creek, using one of the video cameras as a light source. But Lassiter realizes the pain in his ankle is getting worse, so he uses the camera to let Marlowe know how much he loves her, just in case he doesn't make it through the night. He slowly begins to drift away, and the camera slides to the ground. Just then, Lassiter is dragged away by a figure... a hairy one that makes grunting sounds.
The next morning, the group discovers that Lassiter is gone. After reviewing the footage Lassiter took with the camera, they realize what happened: something big and hairy really did drag him away into the forest. Suddenly, Gus smells BBQ coming from the same direction that Lassiter was pulled off in.
It leads them to a cave where they see a hunk of meat slow roasting over a firepit with Lassiter's suit jacket, shirt and tie on a tree stump nearby. Everyone but Juliet immediately thinks that the meat belongs to Lassiter and that Bigfoot is going to eat him. But then, Shawn realizes a path leading to a lovely cabin nestled in the woods.
They enter the cabin and see Lassiter snuggled up in a blanket by the fire, doing just fine. Lassiter tells them that the man who owns this cabin, Ed Dixon, saved his life. Enormous Ed enters the room wearing a fur-skin coat and weapons; everyone then realizes the thing they called "Bigfoot" is actually a big, burly man who lives alone in the woods.
Ed offers to hike to the ranger station so they can get Lassiter out of the woods safely. But Gus is still skeptical of Ed. After Ed leaves, Shawn notices a box of trinkets and keepsakes that belong to other people. He then notices two soaking-wet wallets. Juliet and Lassiter look at the items and realize they belong to two people who have strong affiliations with a Serbian crime syndicate up in Northern California. But the group realizes that there weren't just two bodies in that pit; there were three. Shawn remembers he saw a tattoo on the third body. He tells Juliet and Lassiter this information, and Juliet immediately recognizes that the body belongs to a woman named Eva. She knows this because she has arrested her for prostitution a couple times before. Now everyone thinks that Ed is a henchman for the Serbian crime syndicate. But that theory is quickly laid to rest when Ed shows up at the cabin, with an axe in his back. Ed topples over, and the they don't even know if he's actually dead or not.
Lassiter and Juliet surmise that Ed must have run into the real bad guys (the guys who work for the Serbian crime syndicate). Shawn then realizes that the crime syndicate is keeping tabs on this area of the woods because they found Kate and Chavo's blog. They knew Kate and Chavo would be filming and searching the area, so the crime syndicate sent their guys in protect their secret and make sure the bodies they killed weren't found.
They now know that the bad guys are tracking them down, so they try to arm themselves and fortify the cabin as best they can in preparation for their arrival. Shawn tends to Ed's wounds. It appears he's going to be okay. Just then, a shot is fired and the bullet lands in Chavo's shoulder. He goes down and the rest of the group take cover. But before Kate can take cover, she is shot in the shoulder. She falls onto a wounded Chavo, unable to move. The henchmen from the crime syndicate reveal themselves to the group; they keep shooting. One of the henchman approaches a still-breathing Kate and Chavo. Just as he is about to shoot them dead, Lassiter fires a straight shot at the henchman from the cabin and takes him down. Kate and Chavo's lives are saved.
Meanwhile, the other henchman has managed to get inside the cabin. He takes a shot at Lassiter, and the bullet lands in his shoulder. Before the henchman can take another shot at one of our guys, Ed takes the henchman down with what little strength he has left. Juliet runs into the cabin and tends to Lassiter; he's going to be okay. In the end, everyone makes it out alive, including Ed.
Back at the SBPD, after the whole ordeal in the woods is over, it is revealed that Shawn had collected all of this footage and subsequently edited it into a full-fledged documentary. Apparently, Shawn has been showing this documentary to Chief Vick, Henry and Woody the whole time. Juliet is rewarded for her bravery on the case, and Kate and Chavo are thanked for submitting their footage to the SBPD as evidence, thus giving up their chance to win the Student Academy Award.
The gallery for Lassie Jerky can be found here.